Kempen Tipu Polis

In my recent years as being a Malaysian. There is one pursuit that i noticed we Malaysians love to talk about. How to get away with road crimes.
We often discuss strategies to beat cops, how to bribe cops properly, and how to talk yourself out of a summon without having to fork out coffee money.

One of the things i have always been interested and annoyed with is the damn Breathalyser "tiup sini" thingamagic. I've heard that cops got this magic button that they press which makes the red light turn on.. and then the cop goes...
Puki: Aah.. You ada minum ah..
You: Sikit saja la tuan..
(disregard the fact that just 1 min ago, you told the cop you didnt drink at all)
Puki: Macam ini, you kena pergi balai..
(You make a forlorn face.. think for 3-6 seconds.. then say)
You: Tuan.. Tolong la.
(they will probably tell you how bad your crime is, and nag you. Basically if he is not in a rush, No additional 'customers' to deal with, you have to ask for his goddam 'tolong' for a few times. Eventually you will get the ..)
Puki: Macam mana nak tolong? (..question)

GOOD NEWS.. you are now into the 2nd round negotiations. This is good news to you because you have just escaped going to the balai and having to pay off 30 cops there. ALWAYS settle on the road if you can. Always start negotations at a respectable value. Dont try 20 bucks cos they too have feelings and a market rate..
Im sure by now, you will know how to nego a price (based on the car you drive)
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Nows theres one thing im not able to do. That is escape the bribing portion after he knows you have had some to drink.. So this are my personal strategies on how to go home with your wallet intact.
I hope you guys can add on to..

How to Prevent yourself from being stopped in the first place.
1. Dont Look Drunk. (not easy if you drank and your name is eugene goh.)
2. Dont look like you just came from a party ( the tactic here is to have a change of clothing in the car. I once rolled up my teeshirt sleeves and made it look like a singlet. The cop just waved me off)
3. Take safe roads (also not easy when the cops are in a frenzy or its CNY season)
4. Wait till 5am.
5. The minute you see the road block. Park car, jump to Passenger seat and sleep. (IF cop comes over to your car and wakes you up [the bastard!] act damn surprised that your 'driver' is not in the seat beside you. This has worked before but ive not tried it)

How to tiup tipu.
In coming up with this technique, I asked myself how was it that the machine detects the alco in the air..
And then the answer came to me... In our drunken stupidity, we usually panic and get very stressed about this blowing that we are gonna have to do. So we often hold our breath.
My Untested Technique is to blow air that has less alco rather than more alco into the machine.
How? The less time the air spends in your lungs, the less alco its gonna have.
SO, when you are supposed to blow, just inhale air, and blow it out very quickly, and strongly.
Im reckoning this will work. I have the fortune of not having to test this out.
Maybe when one of you guys kena, you can update me.

Credit to Eugene on how to spell Police in malay (puki)